I don't know for sure about the effects of listening on multiple addresses/ports, but the number of children is not (directly) affected by the number of <VirtualHost>s or ServerNames. More traffic (or, more specifically, more simultaneous connections) causes more children, though, and generally speaking, more VirtualHosts means more traffic. But adding a VirtualHost that receives no traffic will not increase the number of children on its own.
For the original question, I usually just pass the Host: header along and use virtual hosting on the back-end web server.
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