Thank you for all the help, I've made a bunch of changes and things look much better (using top and free) for a starting point now. Before I started to change things the memory was almost all committed with just me on line!
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max_connections? Default 100?
It was 150, now its 50. Also tweaked some of the per connection buffer limits (sort_buffer_size, read_buffer_size, read_rnd_buffer_size) so I did not consume massive amounts of memory on each connection.
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APC has script apc.php, this script can show, which amount of memory is used by APC. If APC has filled 50-70% of memory - it's fine. If less - you can decrease apc.shm_size.
Check, that apc.slam_defense = Off
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I'd say put apc around 32MB, apc caches the files and since the files tend to be small you don't need much memory for them.
Done... it was only about 20% used so I lowered the shared memory down quite a bit, I think its at 48M now which holds all the scripts with room to spare for extra. I set the slam.defense to 25% chance.
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Mysql, your key_buffer is a bit high, do you have very large myisam indexes? You probably don't need it that high, something around 16M is more normal for a small machine.
ts an SMF 2.0 board and its still set up as an isam so it needs that value to be pretty high.
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A couple of other tips, enable gzip compression in nginx, if you have static files that don't change very often set the expires option in nginx.
Done and done, made sure it was working with pagespeed.
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I'm going to assume that the number of fpm processes is roughly equivalent to if you're running lighttpd
I think that is correct so I've adjusted the startup, min spare, max spare and max ever settings to be in line with what you have indicated. I'll have php-fpm status setup so I can see what the pools do.