sds1,
I spent 5 years trying to get my WordPress site to function correctly under: Media Temple GS account, Rimu VPS1-4 account, SliceHost 4-8GB account, VPS.net 8-16node account and eventually an 8-core, 12GB dedicated server back at RimuHosting again.
I have been up and down every wall you can imagine, every forum, every trick, ever measurment. Apache MPM-Worker, PHP-FCGI, PHP-FPM, APC, Varnish, WP-SuperCache, W3-TotalCache and on and on and on.
I'm trying to convey how much of a trek it has been for me to get a WordPress site to handle the front page of Slashdot, Digg, Reddit or Hacker News.
You want to know what FINALLY worked after none of that (including the monster server, believe it or not)?
nginx + PHP-FPM
That's it... one night I got super pissed off and converted the site to run on nginx... I set aside 4 hours around midnight to do it, instead it took like 20 minutes.
The server load dropped to at least 1/10th of what it was under load. What was usually a load of 1-4 on 'top' is now a load of 0.1-0.3 on busy days; site does about a million pageviews a month now and the server primarily sits around picking it's toes now.
I realize there are people on this planet that know how to tweak Apache to scale, but in the 5 years I tried, I was never able to get it to not buckle under the load regardless of what I tried... this includes using static-page-caching in WordPress for 4 of those years, so I'm just talking about hosting straight cached html pages.
For whatever reason, nginx out of the box is phenomenal.
So I'll safe you a lot of money and time and torture where you keep messing with Apache; just move to nginx + PHP-FPM.
The basic gist is this:
You setup PHP-FPM to start a pool of PHP processes (like VMs) that sit around waiting for requests to build PHP pages.
nginx is setup to pass all PHP page requests to that pool of warmed up processes and then return the reply. Static page caches are hosted directly by nginx otherwise.
Really nice/logical configuration, your PHP processes are pre-warmed and limited so if you have a massive influx of traffic, things will just queue up on the PHP process pool to process the requests instead of spawning a huge number of new procs and bogging things down (like mod_php would do).
Hope that helps. I registered just now to reply to this message specifically because I feel so strongly about this =/