OK. After sitting down a while and resetting my brain, I installed:

Debian 3.1

Firehol
Webmin
lighttpd

Here are my Firehol rules:

version 5

interface eth0 internet

policy reject

protection strong

server http accept
server ICMP accept
server daytime accept
server time accept
server ping accept
server webmin accept

client all accept

Lighttpd.conf is what came with the debian package from:
http://debian.bougyman.com unstable main

ie:
[code[server.modules =(
mod_access
mod_accesslog )

server.document-root = "/var/www/"

server.indexfiles = "index.php", "index.html", "index.htm", "default.htm")

//WAY TOO MANY MIME TYPES, snip
accesslog.filename = "/var/log/lighttpd/access.log"

url.access-deny = ( "~", ".inc" )

server.port = 80
server.pid-file = "/var/run/lighttpd.pid"

server.username = "www-data"
server.groupname = "www-data"[/code]

I also put a stupid little html file into my document root, index.html. It's just a simple text.

When I attempt to get to my server over the web, I get:

http://67.18.176.114/
CONNECTION REFUSED

http://li9-114.members.linode.com/
CONNECTION REFUSED

https://li9-114.members.linode.com:10000/
Welcome to Webmin!

https://67.18.176.114:10000/
Welcome to Webmin!

http://li9-114.members.linode.com:80/
CONNECTION REFUSED

http://67.18.176.114:80/
CONNECTION REFUSED

And now for portscan:
The "Network Tools" in GNOME gives me:
13 open daytime
37 open time

Nothing else seems open?
I'm lost. This has quite frustrated me

Any help appreciated...

IIRC lighttpd only listens on localhost by default.
Anything in the error logs? anything in the access logs? Can lighttpd write to the logs?

Edit: oops nm, it default binds to all interfaces

File this under: MAKE SURE YOU HAVE ALL DEPENDENCIES!

*sigh*

If you APT-GET or DPKG a program, but don't have all dependances installed, it won't work.

In my case... I forgot to install libmysqlclient12. One quick apt-get later... no more problems

Thanks, and hope this helps somebody else!

I'm guessing you used dpkg isntead of apt-get.

if you used apt-get it should of had the depends and installed them too, if it didnt, then your source of debs is questionable

No, I used Apt-get; however, somehow I must have told it to nix the mysql part because (after too much caffiene and way too little sleep), I thought, hey, I'm not using mysql! (But I am, so it must have been a brain-segfault).

It's just, keep in mind... if it says it's a DEPENDENCY... IT"S A DEPENDENCY!!!!!

A reminder for myself and others who might have something similar happen.